Keeping On Keeping-On

charm & gumption
tea is brewing
everything's going to be fine

I really don't let on how difficult it is being pregnant, for multiple reasons.  One is that my pregnancy has been textbook simple compared to the pregnancies of other people I know, so why seem like I'm complaining?  That's really bad form.  Another reason - while I want people to care, I really can't stand sympathy.  It makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed, and in the end I would rather tell people I'm doing fine.  When I'm with other people, I usually am, because I pull myself together and I make myself look great and feel great, so I don't lie when people ask me how I am and I say fine.  Reason number three, I'm tired of the casual disparagement thrown at child-bearing.  People assume it's going to be horrible, they make fun of it, they have no respect, and I'm sick of that.  So I get out of my pajamas, I put on my make-up, I slam my feet into the highest pair of heels I can manage, and I go out there and prove to them that, yes, pregnancy is rough on the body and often terrifying and confusing, but you can do it gracefully.
no pun intended, but you have to push
I do acknowledge my physical and mental limitations.  I'm carrying almost twenty extra pounds on my petite frame, and the frame is getting looser and looser as it prepares to shed that weight.  Movement, which was once taken for granted, is now carefully premeditated and provided for.  I know I only have so much energy in my body, and that energy level is usually less than what I have guesstimated.  When they talk to you about "pregnancy brain," do not scoff at them.  Chemically, it is a real deal that I have to own up to: I can no longer remember, or think, as clearly as I could.  It will pass, but at present it's a real struggle.

But I have things to do.  I want to keep reading, I want to keep writing, I want my house to not be a wreck.  When it comes to my writing, I'm actually grateful that it is November.  I haven't done NaNoWriMo in years, not officially - I'm not sure I've ever played by the NaNo rules, ever.  And NaNo is one of those cult-classics among writers that you can't say anything negative about, so my views on quality and my general independence from prompts stay on my side of my computer screen.  But this year the notion of NaNo has helped keep me going.  The daily wordcount (to reach 50,000 words by the end of the month) is 1,667, and so I have put it upon myself in the loosest terms to aim for that number each day.  Even if I write only a portion of that - even if I don't bring myself to write at all during a day - I start afresh the next day.  No worries, no pressure, just a goal.

In this manner I have pushed Talldogs well into the endgame of its plot, and I am currently writing this blog post from the auspices of a marvelously productive writing day (5,443!), which has made me happy.  I don't expect it to be repeated tomorrow, but that's okay.  I know my limits, and I've pushed the ones I can  Those who have been pregnant know that emotional stability during this time is important.  To me, staying creative and keeping my plot moving is also important.  I've managed to maintain these two in 1,667 words.
so, so close to the end!

1 ripostes

  1. I love how graceful you are with your struggles, Jenny. Things that would make most people moan and complain are just another reason you push yourself to be silently brave. I would be lying to say it was not inspirational to me - my struggles with Physics and writing 2K words a day are little, I know, but I think what's important is not the size of our load but how we carry it.

    And I think you're a beautiful example.