I am going to be taking a nominal blogging sabbatical. I say "nominal" because I'm not even up for telling myself, "You're not blogging for a MONTH." Basically I'm giving myself the freedom of not blogging, or only loosely blogging, for an unspecified length of time, at least until I figure out if I have legs / how to get them underneath me again.
okay, but why
You know when people say, "I'm taking a break because of STUFF," you're always left wondering what the STUFF is? Yes, it's totally the blogger's prerogative to maintain privacy, but I know I'm always super curious and peeved when I am not told WHY they are bowing out for a spell. So here's WHY for me.
1. Wait, you're WHAT?
I was going to wait + spring this on you in January, but I'm just too tired to keep my own secrets anymore. 7/12/16 will mark the end of my first trimester with Baby #2. (Cue excited Twilight Sparkle gif.) This was a planned pregnancy, and I haven't said anything up until now because the first trimester is the most crucial time, and in case anything went wrong I thought I'd better keep things quiet. There is always room for error, but the probability of danger drops significantly after the first trimester.
2. Ohhhh, that explains the new pet.
Yes, that horrible black dog. I experienced crashes of depression every month I turned up NOT pregnant, which was really disheartening, but I thought it would clear up once I finally got that big + on the pee-stick. NOPE. What I was not anticipating was that my post-partum depression, heretofore hushed up nicely with my medication, would be horrendously overthrown with my early pregnancy hormones. The past three months have been a kind of exhausted, black, lost hell.
In light of this, I am so very grateful for the understanding + patience of my friends, who have been with me all through this and have just let me BE, whether that was happy or sad, who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, and to whom I could always run when the times were really bad. You're the best.
3. There is seriously such a thing as pregnancy-brain.
I think I commented on this while carrying Filigree. Laugh like I did, ignorant + arrogant, but it's real. It's REAL. Fortunately, the mental gaps, exhaustion, and brain-fog DO go away eventually, but I'm going to give myself grace and just admit that I don't have the mental fortitude for blogging + writing + reading + eating + sleeping + caring for my family. At the end of my days, I'd rather be known for my books than my blog, so I'm going to devote what mental energy I can spare to Ethandune for awhile.
in a horse-chestnut shell
That's me. I'm not nearly as positive + cheerful as I may sound here. Day to day life is rough. If you struggle with chronic illness, it's kind of like that, although I won't diminish the struggle of ACTUALLY dealing with chronic illness... You get to a point where you just pessimistically assume that the day is going to be awful + full of pain, and maybe that's a self-fulfilling prophecy or maybe it's just realism, I don't know. All I know is that I have a book to write and several actual, real, live people to take care of - including myself.
thank you for being with me all these years. you haven't heard the last of me.
(because i'll probably post snippets at some point, let's be honest)
images via pinterest