The 5 Books I Would Rage-Quit Immediately

I'm going to take a brief break from the Plenilune Colour Collage series to fill out an angry a book-related blog questionnaire that I was tagged in.  This tag is all about books you would utilize in violent manners (rather than read) because you have such a low opinion of them, you don't mind them getting destroyed - but you're practical, so you want to use them somehow.  Or something like that.  Look, it's a blog tag; there isn't usually an abundance of logic involved.

oh, i have an unofficial resolution to read library books this year. i hate the pressure of having to return a book so then i end up not reading them.  i intend to change that this year; subsequently, the image below is one of my own & not pilfered off borrowed from pinterest!

The 5 Books I Would Rage-Quit Immediately

AN OVER-HYPED BOOK  ||  You are in a bookstore when the zombies attack. Over the loudspeakers you hear the military announce that over-hyped books are the zombies' only weakness. What over-hyped book will you chuck at the zombies?

I'm gonna go with One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  No, I'm gonna go with the whole shelf of them because the book isn't that large (thank goodness).   Inspirational Christian literature written by women usually gives me hives just thinking about; this one, I had the misfortune of trying to read shortly after my daughter was born & I was neck-deep in postpartum anxiety + depression.  Oh yeah, it opens with a retelling of her little sister getting hit + killed by a truck.  Thanks.  That's exactly what a hormone-ravaged young mother wants to read.  Sure thing.   HELL NO.

NOTE: if you want to know where God is when life is tough & why bad things happen to people, maybe spend some time reading the Old Testament & less contemporary Christian inspirational literature.

RUNNER-UP: Game of Thrones, even though I haven't actually read any of them.  Periodically, I think, "Oh, maybe those would be cool to - " SMACK.  JENNY.  GET IT TOGETHER. 

A SEQUEL  ||   You are caught in a torrential downpour and you're probably the type who melts when you get wet. What sequel are you willing to use as an umbrella to protect yourself.

My original draft of Adamantine.  XD  I was going to go with my original draft for Ethandune, but the Adamantine draft was more substantial & would potentially provide more coverage + time to get me through the rain.  Yes, I have no qualms about using my old manuscripts as umbrellas.  They should not see the light of day anyway.

EDIT: I'm counting this as a sequel because it is looseishly tied to Plenilune & is therefore readable directly after my published novel & is kind of like a sequel if you squint + you're drunk + you don't look up the definition of "sequel" in the dictionary thanks.

A CLASSIC  ||  You're in English class and your professor won't stop going on about a classic that "revolutionized literature". Personally you think the classic is garbage and you decide to express your opinion by hurling the book at his head. What classic is that?

Ooh, that's a difficult choice.  I think I'll go with The Odyssey, followed closely (& literally) by Le Morte D'Arthur.  I can only conclude that editors were not an established demographic for literature during antiquity, otherwise the rambling saga of Odysseus' "journey" home would have been a lot shorter (I thought he didn't even want to go to Troy??).  And for being a book about the death of one of the greatest legends in British history, Le Morte D'Arthur is largely nonsense.  UTTER nonsense.  I feel like you could give the general outline of the plot to Tumblr, & Tumblr would craft a better, more interesting, + far more plausible story.

go for it, tumblr

A LEAST-FAVOURITE BOOK  ||  You're hanging out at a bookstore when global warming somehow manages to to turn the whole world into a frozen wasteland. Naturally, your only hope of survival is to burn a book. Which book would you not regret tossing into the fire?

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.  First of all, don't try rewriting so complex a book as Hosea; not a good idea.  Second: if you do, maybe try making it a little more subtle...?  Explicit allegory is good when, say, Bunyan does it - not when another inspirational female Christian author does it.  And thirdly: hEH BLEH don't write bodice-rippers in the name of Christ oh my lands.

A SERIES  ||  There's a flooded stream you have to cross on your quest and you can't get your feet wet. Which series (you have an undetectable extension charm on your purse) will you use as stepping stones?

Ironically, The Earthsea Cycle by Ursula K. Le Guin.  I really wanted to like these!  I thought they were going to be a cool new world.  But alas, I was underwhelmed.  I am unabashedly in favour of the film "Tales From Earthsea" over the books, because the pose + plots were lacklustre to me, but the film was done by a Miyazaki, so how could you go wrong...?

there you have it, folks!  five books that make me angry + that i wouldn't hesitate to utilize at the expense of their existence.  p.s. we are of course vastly better than these books; standing on the moral high ground helps you throw when you have scant arm strength.

are you a human being? do you have an opinion? go ahead + make your own rage-quit-five posts, & be sure to share the links below!

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6 ripostes:

  1. Aw HAiL no. 1000 gifts? I wasn't any more hormone-ridden than normal when I tried to read that. Now I'm on a personal journey to burn every copy....heh heh. JK I hate book burning but that book. Not what I need, thanks. Also, the Goldfinch. I put myself in a 6+ month funk of pseudo-depression and fear of loss when I tried to read that. Bye, felicia.

  2. I totally agree when you talked about classics! Sometimes, all I wanna do is throw the Odessy at my teachers face and be reading Harry Potter all class period long!

  3. I didn't even finish 1000 Gifts. She was so exaggeratingly "emotional" and theological that felt TRYING TOO HARD and condescending plus to pretend to artistry. Nope, that wasn't art. And it wasn't deep either. It was just flat out silly.

  4. Moriah - LIFE IS DEPRESSING SOME TIMES we don't need to write about it. And if people are going to lobby for trigger warnings, can we have trigger warnings for these sorts of books? Like,

    "Hey, is X your deep, dark phobia, the thing that recurs in your nightmares as your worst nightmare ever? Yeah, better not read this book then. Best of luck."

    Baaah. Oh well. That's the risk you run by reading books, I suppose. -__-

    Jared - Some classics are really cool! Like, say, Ben-Hur. It's even longer than The Odyssey, but it's so rich + beautiful + well-written; oh, & all that plot actually has a purpose in the story - we're not just wandering around for the heck of it. XD

    Livia Rachelle - It's really dreadful of me to say, especially with the feminist movement taking yet another militant stand, but women just don't usually write good theologies. I don't know why that should be, but it seems like many of them succumb to a wave of sentimentality that obscures or drowns a stiff backbone of doctrine. It shouldn't be this way because women have as much capacity to appreciate God's nature as men, but there it is. :/

  5. I actually really like this tag, and your answers to it, Jenny. Normally negative tags make me squeamish, but it was fun to read yours!!

    I started "One Thousand Gifts" almost a year ago, but didn't get further than the first few pages, before I found myself putting it down. I WAS intending to pick it up again, but I was likewise put off by that tragic story the author thought to introduce her memoir with, and I guess as Livia mentioned in the comment above, I got the impression right off the bat that she was trying too hard to be theologically deep, in her sentimental and, what I felt, overtly emotional way, when it really was on a rather straightforward topic of "giving thanks", as is spoken in the Scripture. I was planning on going back to finish it, but now... I'm not sure.

    I haven't read the Odyssey - I was hoping to read SOME Homer, like Iliad. Do you have any Ancient classics you actually like?

    Ahh, I've been on the brink of reading Francine Rivers many times, but each time just got put off. No, thank you :).


  6. Speaking of hoping to see women with backbone writing on doctrine, or deep stuff. I know what you mean! Perhaps the only exception I can think of would be Elizabeth Elliot. I love her!

    Also I've been reading a biography on life of Hannah More - and she sounds like she was a truly amazing person!